Among the various Seinfeld-themed elements to the evening is the board where we air our grievances. In case you can’t quite make it out, mine is in the bottom left corner and reads, “Lucas Wagner and David Johnston for not shaving so that I can just win this damn ‘stache competition!”
Let it be known that I would totally quit this competition in a heartbeat if I knew David were out of the running. For those who weren’t around for it, Nick crushed the ‘stache competition last year. Crushed it. So placing second to this guy would be worth it.
David, on the other hand, needs to go down. Lately, he’s been wearing a Bender-esque scarf around the office, conveniently covering his moustachinal region — whether he’s secretly covering his lack of a moustache (likely) or just being a total dick (more likely), it’s the kind of underhanded play that ruins things for the legitimate competitors (cf. myself and Nick).
So yeah. David Johnston? Going down like the clown he is.
(He is actually a clown in his spare time. And a sporting goods salesman. Both of which aren’t suited for a moustachioed man.)
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